this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
