I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
