So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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