shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
