Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
