you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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