so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
