two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
So I just went to clothing optional bar
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
