I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
