What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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