My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
