he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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