What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
no. you can't hotbox the world.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
