Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
