You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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