The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
