you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
