Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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