I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
