the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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