Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
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