I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Let's get the cat blown out
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
