matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
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