his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
