You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Randomize
