Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Randomize
