no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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