we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
