My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
