Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
