You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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