hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
