Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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