Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
whose ass print is on the piano?
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I need to align my fucking chakras
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
