Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
