I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
are you so shy because you have an std?
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
