Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
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