Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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