Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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