I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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