I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Randomize
