I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
