anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Randomize
