Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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