I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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