your room smells of hookers.
And success
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Randomize
