dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
