Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
