I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
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