I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
