i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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