I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
