He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
