Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
